


With a Name Like Mine

by changeapproved



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-16 17:50:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16499951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changeapproved/pseuds/changeapproved
Summary: The Doctor is offered an opportunity to make up for past failings.





	With a Name Like Mine

It had been a totally normal day. Like...weirdly so. No alien incursions, no fascist regimes and no potentially catastrophic time altering events. They'd gone for a nice stroll around what the Doctor had described as one of the most beautiful garden centres the universe had to offer, and barring a minor incident with what Graham had been convinced was Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors (a movie neither Yaz or Ryan had seen), absolutely nothing untoward had happened. It was enough to send the police officer part of Yaz's brain into overdrive. So far the Doctor had failed to spend even a day in their company without plunging them into what felt like a living space opera and Yaz was certain today wouldn't be any different.

 

Her suspicion hit new peaks when the TARDIS suddenly wouldn't let them all back on board.

 

The Doctor huffed in frustration. "Come on, old girl," she said, muffled due to her face being pressed up against the door. "What are you doing to me here? You're embarrassing me in front of my new best friends."

 

Unsurprisingly, the TARDIS didn't respond and the door didn't budge.

 

"That definitely the right key, Doc?" asked Graham.

 

"Of course it's the right key!" The Doctor paused for a second and then thrust her hand into her pockets and rummaged around. Not finding whatever she was looking for she nodded. "Yep. Definitely the right key. I don't have any others."

 

"Maybe there's something else here it wants us to see," suggested Ryan.

 

The Doctor obviously agreed, because with one final reproachful look at the TARDIS, she spun around and marched back towards lush gardens they'd just left. Beside her, Yaz heard Graham sigh. They'd walked a good few miles today and he'd already expressed an interest in finally sitting down with a nice cup of tea to rest his old bones. Not to mention he'd miss The Chase if they didn't get back soon.

 

So, with a little more weariness than they'd felt when they'd existed the TARDIS that morning, the gang followed the Doctor.

 

As they passed through the ornate bronze gates, once again Yaz's nose was hit by the scent of candyfloss and mint (the Doctor had explained it was the dominant smell of local flora on this planet and had very specifically told them not to eat any of it because delicious smells could be deceptive and just a little bit poisonous). It was no less impressive than the first time, but Yaz would be lying if she said she was just as wowed the second time around. The Doctor, on the other hand, looked just as thrilled now as she had twelve hours ago. 'Cause of course she would be.

 

They took a different route this time, somewhere a little more off the beaten path, and chattered quietly. One of the suns had already set and the second one looked like it wasn't far behind, so around them small frog-faced aliens lit lanterns along the path beside them. Yaz guessed they'd have to start early if they wanted the whole garden done by the time it actually got dark.

 

It only took a few minutes of walking before Yaz finally spotted something out of the ordinary.

 

"Doctor," she said. The Doctor slowed her pace just a little and looked backwards. Yaz nodded her head in the direction of a woman sat on a bench not fifteen feet from them. Not abnormal in and of itself of course (they'd passed many people both human and non-human on benches on their way here), but there was nothing normal about the desolate expression on her face as she stared unseeingly forward.

 

The Doctor visibly stiffened and stood up straighter. "Um..."

 

"Should we go and talk to her?" said Ryan.

 

"No." The Doctor's reply was abrupt. "Absolutely not. No. I don't think...nope it must be something else. Come on, gang."

 

But Yaz, Graham and Ryan stayed put.

 

"What? You can't be serious?" said Yaz.

 

"There's a woman over there looks like she's about to burst into tears and you want to walk straight past her?" said Graham. The disbelief in his voice was matched by the incredulous look on Ryan's face. "That doesn't sound like you."

 

The Doctor scrunched up her mouth and rubbed a hand up and down her arm. "It's not a good idea, all right? Timey wimey...No, it's dangerous and I can't-" She stopped abruptly and shook her head.

 

Yaz and Graham shared a look of confusion. There was obviously something going on here they didn't understand.

 

"You all right, Doc?" said Graham.

 

The Doctor ran her fingers through her hair and looked at the ground. "Yeah," she said. "The universe is just a very cruel place sometimes." 

 

With that ominous statement hanging in the air, the Doctor turned her full attention to the woman on the bench and strolled over to her. Ryan caught Yaz's eye and shrugged. They followed.

 

There was a moment of hesitation and then the Doctor plonked herself down next to the woman. Now they were closer, Yaz could see her better. Wild, blonde curls hung in disarray around her face and despite the diminishing light, Yaz could see dark lines under her eyes. She wore a pair of ratty jeans and a high quality white blouse buttoned low enough to display a rather impressive cleavage. Yaz cleared her throat awkwardly and looked away before she got caught staring.

 

"Hello," said the Doctor.

 

The woman seemed to jolt back into herself, as though she hadn't even been aware of her surroundings. She looked over to the Doctor and tilted her head.

 

"Hello," she said. Her voice was deeper than Yaz had been expecting.

 

"You don't seem very happy," said the Doctor. Yaz almost rolled her eyes at the colossal understatement.

 

"I've just had a bad day is all," said the woman. She sucked in a deep breath. "And with all due respect, I have no desire to talk about it with a total stranger in the park."

 

There was a pregnant pause and the Doctor looked up as though searching for answers in the setting sun.

 

"What if I wasn't a total stranger?" she then said. The words felt heavy somehow. "River."

 

The woman's - River's - head twisted to look at the Doctor. She opened her mouth and then closed it again.

 

"How do you know my name?"

 

"I think you know."

 

"Say it," the woman demanded, her eyes becoming suddenly hard despite being rimmed with red.

 

"Because, Professor River Song, I could hardly forget the name of the woman who married me, could I?" said the Doctor.

 

Yaz's brain ground to a screeching halt. In the back of her mind she dimly registered Graham saying, "Hang on just one bloody minute. _Married_?"

 

The two women ignored them entirely and River made a sound that could only be described as half a laugh and half a sob. "Doctor," she breathed.

 

Then the Doctor was on her knees in front of her, hands gripping the outside of River's thighs. "River. Tell me what's wrong. Did someone hurt you? Did _I_ hurt you?" 

 

River reached forward and cupped the Doctor's face in her hands. "No, my love," she said tearfully. And this had just become way more intimate than Yaz was happy to be watching. "You didn't hurt me. I just...I've just come home from Manhattan. It was a rather trying adventure."

 

Yaz had no idea what that meant, but clearly the Doctor did because she hung her head and let out a long, low breath.

 

"I'm so sorry, River. I _did_ hurt you. I was so wrapped up in my own pain I was selfish-"

 

"Hush," River interrupted. She brushed her thumbs along the Doctor's cheekbones. "You're here now, aren't you? I knew you'd stumble by eventually."

 

"Not soon enough." 

 

"Well we all have our off days."

 

The Doctor shook her head but offered no further argument. Using River's legs as leverage, she pushed herself to her feet and held out a hand.

 

"Come on, Professor River Song. Let's go back to the TARDIS, okay? She misses you when you're not on board."

 

"Uh, Doctor..." said Ryan. "Aren't you forgetting the whole locked door thing?"

 

"I have a feeling that will have sorted itself out by the time we get back."

 

\-------------------------------------------------------

 

As always (usually after she'd explored a few alternatives), the Doctor had been right and the TARDIS door opened without a fuss. Seemed like the space ship had a bit of a soft spot for this River Song - the Doctor's _wife_ apparently. Yaz still couldn't quite wrap her head around that one. The Doctor had told them she'd lost her family...and she'd behaved so strangely when they'd seen River sat on that bench. Now seemed the wrong time to ask, but Yaz's mind swirled with questions. Nothing made sense.

 

"Are you confused?" she asked Graham quietly, as they followed a few paces behind the couple.

 

"Almost constantly," he replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

 

The TARDIS lights seemed brighter by the time Yaz closed the door behind them. River untangled her fingers from the Doctor and walked over to put her hand on one of the dense, orange pillars.

 

"You've redecorated," she said. "Very nice." Wait, was she talking to the TARDIS? "And I see your Time Lord has redecorated themself too." An answering whir came from all around them. And what the hell was a Time Lord when it was at home?

 

The Doctor tugged at one of her sleeves. "Yeah. Came as a bit of a surprise to be honest."

 

"I imagine it did," said River. She smiled, but the sadness that hung around her never quite left her face.

 

"I'm still figuring a few things out," said the Doctor. As she spoke she took a few slow steps back towards River. "You spend a couple thousand years as one thing, you know? And then _poof_. Can't pee standing up anymore."

 

Ryan, who had been swigging from a bottle of water, began to choke. Graham slammed his fist ineffectually against his back.

 

"Did you just say a _couple thousand_ years?" said Yaz.

 

For some reason that seemed to amuse River. "Oh, sweetie, these ones are very new, aren't they?"

 

The Doctor beamed at them all. "Yep. They're my new best friends. Yaz, Ryan and Graham. They're good'uns. Helped me out when I fell through the roof of a train. Or maybe I helped them out? That whole first day is a bit fuzzy to be honest."

 

"Little bit of both I think, Doc," said Graham.

 

The Doctor nodded. "Little bit of both."

 

"I'm glad you've found people," said River. Immediately the mood dropped again. Yaz wished she knew what was going on. The Doctor closed the gap between them and linked River's fingers between her own. The other woman seemed somewhat surprised by the gesture. "Has Manhattan been a very long time for you?"

 

"This has been my second regeneration since then," said the Doctor.

 

River's eyes became shiny. "Well, I'm excited to learn about all of this body's new...quirks." Her voice was strained, as though the effort of making conversation was becoming too much for her. Yaz's heart ached with sympathy, though she didn't know what exactly had happened.

 

A hand fell on her shoulder and Yaz turned her head.

 

"Maybe we should give these two some time alone, yeah?" said Graham. She didn't want to. Yaz wanted to learn everything she possibly could about the Doctor and she'd learned more in the last five minutes than she had in the last couple of weeks. Still, she nodded and followed Ryan out the room.

 

\-------------------------------------------------

 

As soon as her companions' footsteps faded into the distance, River relaxed and allowed the tears she was holding back to trickle down her face. The Doctor's hearts clenched at the sight, but as much as she wanted to she couldn't quite figure out how to make things better. River Song had always been one mystery the Doctor had never managed to solve and it seemed this regeneration would have no more luck at it than the last few.

 

"Our relationship was always so complicated," said River, thankfully breaking the silence that had been making the Doctor increasingly more uncomfortable. "Rory never knowing quite how to talk to me and Amy doing her best to act like she thought a mother should, silly as it was considering past my birth there's never been a time in our acquaintance that I've not been older than them. Still, they were _mine_."

 

"They loved you, River," said the Doctor, knowing it was true. "They didn't always know how to show you that, but they did."

 

River offered her a tiny smile. "I know. They always set a place for me at the table on a Sunday just in case I showed up. Every Easter and every Christmas. They set a place for you too, not that you ever came." The Doctor's stomach twisted with guilt. This regeneration was different, she knew. This go around she'd have spent every evening meal with the Ponds she possibly could, even knowing how much more it would have hurt her in the end. "Oh don't look at me like that. I know why you didn't. This face really is an open book, isn't it?"

 

"Dunno," she said. "Don't usually look at my own face when I talk. Do you think I should?"

 

"Probably not. You've enough ego as it is," said River. Then she sighed so deeply her shoulders moved with the action. "I'm going to miss them."

 

There was nothing the Doctor could say to that, so she settled for draping her arms over River's shoulders and gently pulling her down into a hug. River chuckled.

 

"You're very affectionate this go around too."

 

She focussed her attention on the feel of River's hands around her waist while she thought of how to respond. It was something she'd noticed herself - while her previous self had been almost overly concerned with keeping his distance, this version of her craved the closeness. Not physically, but emotionally.

 

"My last regeneration was a difficult one," she finally said. River pulled back a bit so she could see the Doctor's face. "Some bright spots! There's always bright spots. And bright people. But too much hurt and loss and betrayal made me...Well, I needed something different. I think that's why... _this_ happened. I like it so far. I'm a bit socially awkward now though."

 

River's lip curled like she was fighting off a smile and the Doctor felt herself frown in response. "Dearest, you've been socially awkward since the day I met you. That is _not_ a new development."

 

"Now that's just rude. Some wife you are."

 

She earned herself a full smile for that one, despite the tears that still threatened to fall. "Well I like it so far too, socially awkward or not."

 

For a few minutes, the two simply stood in the console room. Challenging though it was, the Doctor pushed the pain she felt over being reunited with her wife down to examine (ignore) later. How many times would she have to say goodbye to the woman she loved? But this wasn't about her; this moment was about River - something that didn't happen very often, the Doctor had come to realise. If nothing else she owed the woman a chance to grieve without having to worry about upsetting the delicate balance they had struck in their relationship.

 

So, with great difficulty, the Doctor pulled herself from River's embrace.

 

"Come on," she said. "You're exhausted. Let's go and lie down. Maybe you can tell me more about those Pond family dinners?"

 

She tried to turn, but River caught her by the shoulders. She couldn't quite decipher the look on her face, but there was no mistaking the way she closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together. It was chaste and sweet and was over before the Doctor even had a chance to respond. Didn't even have a chance to brush her fingers through River's hair (something she always enjoyed doing no matter what version of herself she was at the time). The way River looked at her then made her hearts skip a beat.

 

"Lead the way then, my love." 

**Author's Note:**

> I keep flip-flopping on how I think Thirteen and River's dynamic would work. Thirteen is a lot more open than previous Doctors and I don't think River would know how to react or how to feel about the monolith visibly loving her back all of a sudden. Fingers crossed she shows up at some point so we don't have to keep guessing.
> 
> tumblr: @change-approved


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